Melons

Since the age of eleven, I have had boobs. I remember in year five I had to wear a bra, and the mean girls from the other class cornered me in the bathroom and made fun of me and flicked my bra straps. Then I remember on the first day of year seven, every single girl was wearing a bra (even if their nipples were bigger than their budding bosoms).

It is therefore probably biased to make a list of reasons for/against breasts, as I can’t really remember not having them. But bare with me. Here are the reasons flat chested girls have it easier than their uber uddered counterparts.

1. Shirts with writing on them are actually readable
Imagine a world where people don’t have to tilt their heads and squint their eyes to read your witty t-shirt.

2. You don’t have to wear a bra
I could not wear a bra, but then I’d have to invest in some knee pads, and money’s kind of tight right now since I had to buy that $400 winter coat so I don’t freeze my tits off.

3. Bikini’s are cute, and don’t require double re-enforced straps.
You can always wear normal triangle bikini’s, but I hope you enjoy the neck-welt look as your neck will be the thing standing between your breasts and gravity.

4. You don’t develop pterodactyl like shoulder blades and a hunch to rival Quasimodo

5. Random food items don’t hit the bathroom floor when you get naked
It’s a shelf people. This has happened to me on more than a number of occassions.

6. Running is not an extreme sport
I wonder how many concussions a year are caused by breast to head contact.

7. People look you in the face.
Nuff said

Don’t get me wrong, I have great body image (except in damn forever 21 change rooms), but sometimes I wish I could lie on my stomach at night, or be all cute hollywood and just wear my boyfriends crumpled white  t-shirt without looking like I have two melons wrestling beneath the thin cotton.

 

End Rant