When I was in Los Angeles (or as us in the know call it L.A *ehem*) and then at Sundance Film Festival (that would be in Utah, or as us in the know call it…Utah…) lots of people asked me where I was based. Most people (or so it seemed) were divided into New York people (dark clothes, dark glasses, trendy haircuts) LA people (trendy clothes, dark glasses, tanned, Wheatgrass, Goji berry smoothie drinkers) or those who commuted between the two cities (obviously very very important types in the know in both cities. Dark glasses, coffee…perhaps recreational substance abuse?)
So when I answered that actually I was based in Toronto – people were confused. Like, why would you live there? (Lately with the temperature hovering around 0 degrees Celsius for going on 5 months, I ask myself the same question) LA or New York were the only answers they expected.
Though initially confused, there was always almost one follow up question that I began to expect.
“Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t Toronto where Rob Ford is from?! Man I love that guy!”
Yup. People knew about that tiny insignificant city that was neither New York or GASP LA and they knew about it because of the Mayor.
Does the name Rob Ford ring a bell?
Perhaps it doesn’t. Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock. Or perhaps you’ve had other, newsworthy stories on your mind like the ongoing political tension in Ukraine/Russia/The Middle East/Africa (circle one depending on month), the fact that Gwenyth Paltrow and her husband are “uncoupling” or where the fuck the Malaysian airlines plane is …
Let me enlighten you.
Rob Ford is the Mayor of Toronto. He was voted into power before I arrived in this fair country and even before the scandal that broke, that rocketed him to Jimmy Kimmel fame, people were talking about how he sucked and was a shitty Mayor. I remember when I first arrived he was doing some kind of weight loss challenge that he failed miserably and gave up on (duh look at him). Probably a terrible idea considering the man is extremely hefty, and looks like a rounder, redder, meaner version of the Fat controller.
So what did Rob Ford do to gain notoriety?
If you guessed “sex video” you’re not far off.
I mean, what have we learned from the likes of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? If you want the easy, quick way to fame and fortune – make a sex tape and have it get “leaked” on the internet. It probably needs to involve someone semi-famous, or you have to be from a family that like, owns hotels or like, gets murderers acquitted, but really once you’ve got that down you can be mega famous and sleep with whoever you want and have your own reality TV show & fragrance line!
Nope, while a Rob Ford sex tape has yet to surface, the reason this excellent specimen of male physique is known the world over (no seriously, my mum was on a train in Hong Kong and they were talking about him on the local news) is because:
He smoked crack.
And there is a video of it. And everybody saw it.
Yup. The Mayor of Toronto got to go on Jimmy Kimmel (notice me Jimmy!), and is loved the world over (by people he doesn’t actually represent) because of a video where he smoked crack.
He is “The Crack Smoking Mayor of Toronto.”
He is a fucking joke when it comes to his credibility, but there is a staunch group that LOVE this guy because of his flaws (and his perceived keeping down of the taxes).
I wish I was kidding.
There is NO WAY a political leader in Australia could withstand this kind of scandal and mockery. I’m not sure if there are many places in the world where a candidate could outside of uber liberal Toronto.
And to add to the farce, Rob Ford has continued with his ridiculousness, making cringe-worthy comments to the media that make for excellent soundbite and get the Newspapermen jizzing in their jeans:
“I get more than enough to eat at home” (In regards to infidelity outside his marriage)
“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. But am I an addict? No. Have I tried it? Probably, in one of my drunken stupors.’’ (In regards to said video – after vigorously denying its existence/ his crack use)
“Women love money. Give ’em a couple thousand bucks and they’re happy” (In regards to what he was getting his wife for Christmas)
Who is this guy!? And where are his handlers?! Surely there is a PR out there willing to take his money and turn his image around!? Why won’t he stop digging himself deeper into a notorious hole? Why was he the first candidate to lodge his papers to run for Mayor again.
And why do I care? I live here in Toronto to be sure, but I’m not Canadian, and they sure are making it as hard as possible to become a permanent resident. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the Mayor of Sydney or the Mayor of Hong Kong (do we even have Mayors there?) and I care very little for politics.
Perhaps I care, because like the Americans I know, I am a sucker for drama, reality shows where people self-destruct, and the craziness of human folly that I can enjoy from the comfort of my couch.
If Ford has taught me one thing though, it’s that fame and Jimmy Kimmel are only a crack video away….