I found out on Monday that a young guy I knew back in Australia died unexpectedly over the weekend.
And it made me weep.
I would always read that expression (“weep”) in books and just imagine someone crying. But weeping is more than crying. It is a mournful, cavernous, empty sadness that makes tears flow and flow out of your eyes and into your ears – where tears pool in the divot where your eye sockets meet your cheek, meet your nose.
I cried for his family, and I cried for him. 25 years old and gone.
No more second chances. No more opportunities.
And because I am someone who internalizes the external experiences around me, I cried because I realized how easily life is over, and I imagined “what if that had been me?”
I spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder and over other peoples “fences” to where I’m SURE the grass is greener. I plot and plan and daydream about how I’ll do more, be better, go somewhere else and the experiences will be MORE exciting, the days BRIGHTER and the nights MORE FUN.
And something like the unexpected death of a former, fellow university student, makes me take stock of my attitude.
You are entitled to your beliefs and of your religion. I don’t have a religion or a god. So for me, this is my one go around. I got my ticket, I lined up and here I am. This is the life I’ll lead. There’s nothing waiting for me after this except oblivion.
If I’ve been dissatisfied with the way things have been going, there is no one to look to for answers, other than myself. I was not born into a society where my gender dictated the opportunities afforded me. I was not born into a life where I didn’t have access to education. I was not born into a body crippled by illness.
Each and every day, I should wake up euphoric at the pure LUCK of being alive and well, with a menu of options in front of me. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do? What am I going to do about it TODAY?
Someone in the prime of his life died and it served as a wake up call.
There are no excuses for not living your best life.
My thoughts remain with those closest to him.