So I guess I have a boy room/bedmate. We live together, like, every day. For like, months now.
I know, weird right?
Sometimes I have to pinch my own face because I can’t believe I have managed this.
I’m a slow Adulter, so this is preeeettty huge, considering I’m a twenty-seven year who just got her license last year and only recently figured out how to do online banking (just kidding, someone HELP me do the cheque thing). All my shit has mostly been in the one location for the first time in almost two years. I found all my socks. None of them match, but, at least I now know where they are.
The adjustment hasn’t been so
bad noticeable because we’ve both been travelling so much (combined hit list this year totally 10 countries and counting), and I’ve spent a significant portion of this year in the US trying to make my LA/New York a reality. I think we’ve spent so much time apart, that the realities of our living situation hasn’t fully sunk in.
Sometimes I still forget that I’m not “going home” in the morning when I wake up. Because I am home. I live here, dummy. No bring me breakfast!
In between the adventures, we have definitely found time to have a few domestic moments, and a few domestic arguments. So I have compiled a trusty list of how to survive the inevitable adul-esnce (see what I did there? Do ya, DO YA?!?) phase of your romantic home invasion.
- Break down the chores list
I will do the dishes, fine and I don’t mind folding laundry. But I fucking LOATHE touching disgusting garbage and having anything to do with the toilet. There is no quicker way to end the domestic bliss than ANOTHER argument about his late night cereal bowls piling in the sink. My simple solution to chore-bore is to break down what needs to be done to what seems fair. If you love laundry and he loves vacuuming, then that is a simple fix. If you both hate taking out the garbage, then take it in turns. The key is communication. Or in our case, bullying.
- You don’t have to do everything together all the time
Moving in with your guy means you’ll always have someone you like, to hang out with when you get home. The trap many couples fall into is thinking that they have to do everything together. Just because he’s there, doesn’t mean that all activities are suddenly couples activities. Give yourselves space to avoid fights and to have things to talk about when you do actually hang out. Unless you’re a lazy fuck like me that would rather sit on the couch in silence than attempt to carry a conversation. In that case…carry on!
- Make time for your friends
We all know that one girl who disappears when she gets in a relationship… Don’t be that girl! Cohabitation can be super fun, but so is making quality time for your friends and doing stuff without your partner. Nothing tanks a relationship faster than codependency, and no matter how close you are to dudeface, it is good to have outside perspectives and conversations. Especially if you get into a fight with your significant other, your friends are going to be the ones who provide an escape. Who else will you bitch to about him? Your MOTHER? Terrible Idea – she’s always going to take your side and just hate hime forever.
- Not every night has to be date night
A trap that many couples fall into is the mistake that thinking every night has to be date night. Eating at home is economical! And also no pants necessary! What a happy thing.
- Don’t fight dirty
It is too easy when communication fails, to turn to passive aggressive techniques like using up all the milk or stealing the batteries from his XBox controllers and putting them in a drawer… not that I would ever do that. No matter how much he is pissing you off, remember this is your BOYFRIEND, not your brother. Name calling and door slamming is going to take you to breakup town sooner rather than later. And I hear that place is shithouse.
- Don’t be afraid to walk away
Living in a shared space means that fights can escalate more quickly and unnecessarily. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a situation you think is going nowhere. Its easier sometimes to get some breathing space and then come back to your situation. Also more time to list the reasons you are right and he is wrong. WinWin.
- Save some of the mystery
The biggest adjust to living together is realizing that the handsome, coiffed guy you used to see every other day, has disgusting habits just like you. To avoid killing the dude you loved enough to split rent with, make sure you both attempt to keep some of the mystery in the relationship. Can the guy clip his toenails in private, and can you pluck those random neck hairs when he isn’t home? I think you can. For love.
- You still need to put in the effort
Even if he now sees the full 24/7 version of you, make sure you don’t fall into the living together trap of no effort. Sure he thinks you look cute in no make up and sweats, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get dressed up just for no reason except that you’re with him. At least try and pretend for a little bit that you have your shit together – even if he totally knows you don’t.
And number 9 that really, goes without saying is:
DON’T GET PREGNANT!
No but seriously don’t.