As I was thinking about my plans for 2017 and it had suddenly occurred to me that in 2018 I will turn 30. 1988…carry the one…ahhhh fuck!

I literally could not stop THIRTY thirty THIRTY thirty THIRTY from pounding in my brain. The world dissolved into binary 0’s and 3’s as I curled up into a tight ball and rocked back and forth singing old lullaby’s to myself, stroking a shred of my old Blankie.

No. No I didn’t. I’m crazy but I’m not, ya’know CRAZY. And we moved around far too often for me to ever keep track of a childhood blanket. (I think that’s thrown them off the scent Blankie…now run and be free!)

Anyway.

So even though I know ages are arbitrary and everybody gets older and you’re only as old as you feel and blah blah BLAH, the number 30 suddenly struck me as being rather…I don’t know… advanced?

It’s not like its just me turning thirty. Obviously my peers are too, and I look around at all of us, stepping out of our twenties, that smoke smelling, champagne stained flapper dress, and into our thirties, that more sensible, black (but hopefully still sexy) elegant sheath dress.

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See what I did there? It’s a visual metaphor!

While I have some friends that have made the leap and have found babies in their organic home-delivered cabbage patch (this is how it works right? I’m still sketchy on the details) many of my female peers are teetering into their 30’s childless, and unmarried or single.

We all know the modern mantra: “People are having kids later and later and adoption is also an option” (though not without it’s own associated costs and rigmarole).

But as we all know from science, the older we get, the harder it is to conceive a baby. I spent so much of my adolescence FREAKING the fuck out that I would get pregnant, that it is so so SO ironic that as I age, I wonder if I will actually be able to GET pregnant.

And I’m not alone. More and more women are looking at freezing their eggs for future use, I have seen numerous social posts asking for advice or personal experiences from others who have been through the process. The truth is, the science behind egg freezing is still hazy. Statistics suggest that there is a 77% failure rate of live birth from frozen eggs in women aged 30, and 91% in women aged 40.

frozen-baby

Not only that but although it is being marketed as the next big solution for women, Egg freezing is also an invasive procedure which includes lots of tests and hormone injections over a few weeks. Doctors collect a whole bunch of eggs at once and the word “punctured” definitely appears along “ovaries”. On top of this… guess what, freezing your eggs is surprisingly NOT a cheap option.

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“Peace of mind” is what the average professional career woman (myself included) is buying into when they consider egg freezing. But with the best success rate being reported at 23% how much peace of mind are we really purchasing?

So with the cost, the low success rate, the vast number of needles, and the reality that harvesting your eggs is a process which also speeds up your menopause – I do not think this “modern gal solution” is really all it’s cracked (egg joke) its up to be.

I think I’ll just look into cloning myself…

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ah…shit…